just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
