Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
