The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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