There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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