she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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