Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
