Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
