Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
