Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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