i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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