Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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