Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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