She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
