Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
