I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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