I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
