You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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