I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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