well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
