Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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