dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
