I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
