Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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