Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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