I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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