I faked an abortion last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
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SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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