man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
