Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
handjob tips. give me some.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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