can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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