You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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