No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
