U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
