I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
