After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
