I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
