Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
