tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
