Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why do cheetos always look like penises
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
