You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
