did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
