hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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