your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
