Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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