everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
