Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
