His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's the barista slut.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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