2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
