I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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