ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
