I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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