worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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