Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
