did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
