If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
