Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
