She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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