Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
