all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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