I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i've created a new STD.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize