Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
