just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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