I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
