I think i peed on brittanys purse
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!