There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.