You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.