what if I'm pregnant?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time