she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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