2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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