Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once