I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.