Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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