Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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