It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
