I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
