Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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