I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
