i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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