tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
