She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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