Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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