Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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