I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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