his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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