they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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