Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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