oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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