the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
