I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
