If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
