Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
