I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
