woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think your dad took our porno
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dick very happy bro
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
